Just hope it doesn't rain on your outdoor wedding...

I think this book has one major shortcoming -- what about the daughter pictured on the cover? I mean, Jesus, what's with that hair? And seriously, it's called makeup, girls. Once you're old enough to pull up, pull up to that cosmetics counter. Plus she's completely flat-chested, it's just not sexy. You can't go wrong with a solid set of D-cups, she'll grow into them.

And after that, maybe then we can start thinking about doing some work on that teddy bear.

Disclaimer: eating cupcakes does not guarantee reincarnation.

Nice! But why does she keep just walking in circles around the west side of Union Square?

If that fails, they can always shield the stadium with an colorful lattice comprised entirely of dissidents.

It's a page from a college textbook for the course "Math 101: Pythagoras For Pervs."