Bah to your gimmicks, alarm clock industry. The only way to wake me up is to hire a sumo wrestler to pick me up out of bed and lob me headfirst into a bowl of coco puffs.

So...I'm pretty sure this means he won't win Ben Stein's Money.

#202: Not in the least. Are you drunk?

Ban guns in America, and we'll only find different weapons to kill each other. It'll be knives or broken bottles or sling-shots or whatever, but people will find different ways to do it.

The tool is not the problem, the motivation and the reasons FOR that motivation is the problem. To ban guns is to put an off brand of band-aid over the festering wound that is caused by poor education, overcrowding, an increasingly useless economy, ever-failing health care, etc.

I say we feed them humorless blog commenters.

@#5,

Well, you know how riled up he gets when he and Scully have a fight...

My point, #110, is that science is imperfect in many areas.

But thanks for assuming I've confused the two anyway. Ya know how we "denialists" are complete idiots and all...

Places I'd never like to be stuck:

~a washing machine
~an elevator
~That thing's belly button

Just goes to show...people are unpredictable and should either be banned or wear muzzles in public.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't just a little bothered by being lumped into the same category as creationists/world-is-flattists (big thanks there, Gore...) just because I don't believe climate change is alltogether human-caused. And I'm certainly not a denialist.

I do happen to lean more toward the left politically. I am not denying that pollution = bad. However, I see the phrase "global warming" bandied about as a way to wag fingers and a way to gain power politically more than anything else, and I also happen to believe the Earth's climate is subject to change no matter what we try to do about it. And since we can barely predict the weather accurately (wasn't it supposed to rain this week in northern california?), I reserve the right to be suspicious of even the most convincing-sounding science that points to the polar ice caps turning into saunas thanks to cow farts.

And if I even try talking about my views away from the protective anonymity of the internet, I'm crucified.

"Now, Billy, if you cry at all tonight, Mommy cuts a string."

Oh god, now he's become Electro-Jesus, and we are all SCREWED.

#35, I've checked with the National Institute of Funny and, after various scientific tests, they assured me that #28's comment was in fact hilarious.

There go the glory days of sneaking up behind cattle and flicking on a zippo...

Ooh, ooh, I'm gonna go kidnap James Spader and force him through it to see what happens!

Now THIS is Sesame Street for adults...or metal children.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=tPvxQ5cSeZQ

I'm going to marry Animal.

This is off of Owsley's essay site.

http://thebear.org/essays2.html#anchor506010

Believe what you want, but this is probably the LEAST outside-influenced take on the matter that I've found so far.