Feel bad for the cat from UPS that has to deliver it.

You can use a wet tea bag to stop bleeding, so I guess that makes sense (if they explain it in the first aid instructions)

Set up a business where every month you send an install CD containing the new viruses (viri?). At that point, you've got a subscription service and you keep the PCs offline. Sell Antivirus (or other) advertising on the CD packaging and you're set.

The install disks could even have the capacity to kill any outgoing connection in case the user has an outgoing connection.

Has anyone talked to a lawyer?

Anybody talk to a programmer?

He wasn't pushed - he fell off the curb.