I was nineteen years old, I had a child to support, and I was selling vaccuum cleaners. Risking redundancy here - life was not going so well. So what are ya gonna do? Chin up, soldier! Yeah.... right...

I reach my appointment. Yes, it's out in B.F.E. For those of you who have never been to B.F.E. don't go there. Unless you have to attend a good kegger party, a survivalist compound, or a K.K.K. rally. Other than that, B.F.E. is to be avoided at all costs.

The entire family is in attendance in their lovely home to hear my well-rehearsed speil... along with their beautiful wood flooring. "Geez!" I'm thinking. Can this get any better?" Oh, of course it can! Still the optimist, I stress the ability to purify the air, clean the cushions on the furniture, and all those wonderful little things.

The family loves the vaccuum so far, there's just that little nagging problem of those wood floors! Well, this next little demonstration is going to win them over. I'm just sure of it! Wood floors and all!

So, I get out my mason jar and ask for the water... "Water?" The anticipation builds. Yes, water. Telling them to be prepared for a demonstration of how much their hard wood floors would benefit, did nothing to prepare any of us for the fact that instead of being on "suck", the thing was on "BLOW"! I produced a fountain the size of Ole Faithful for them right in the middle of their living room.

I must say that I had never generated so much excitement before during a demo. I hope to God that I never do again!

As they say, you are what you eat, so this "vaguely flesh-colored substance with a suspiciously puckered hole in the middle" must be a quick lunch for The Prez.