Or you could do it with more subtlety and art and funkiness and sex: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33o-neyAng8

Timely. I was wondering on this eve of Christ's birth why all of us are trying to be so nice to each other in respect and acknowledgment of an anniversary that none of us any longer respect or acknowledge. Can't we all just be nasty, brutish and short like we are the rest of the year?

I'm the king of present wrapping. Which is an unlikely quality for one hardened by self-abuse and frequent imprisonment. But here's my best tip: When you're all done folding and taping, crease all of the edges. Pinch one corner and slide your fingers along the edge, resulting in a crisp, square edge. Do this all around. Now your gift looks like the proverbial shit.

Is this real? It smells like a hoax.