How it played out the other 9,999 times.

"Hey, do you want my jacket?"
"Oh, you some kinda smart-ass muthafucka?"
*stabbing sounds*

Had a box of Chanel No 5 stolen from a suitcase transferring in LAX. We were transferring from a flight from Mexico City to head to Sydney, so we had to clear customs and let them scan our luggage. We put our luggage on a conveyer belt, walked through a metal detector, walked past a short wall and picked up our bags maybe 20m away. In that time - a minute tops - some fucker unzipped the bag, reached in and stole the perfume. Hope they had an allergic reaction and fucking died.

I know a source of perpetual energy. We just hook a battery up to takuan's keyboard, and harness the joules expended by responding multiple times to every single boingboing post.

*fap fap fap*

plz post serialz

We'd simply walk into the classroom where the test was being held and scribble ciphered (sometimes not) cribs all over the board. Most people were focused on the test, so paid it no notice, and if they did, they assumed it was from another class / subject.

We were allowed to use calculators in math. Didn't help if you couldn't keep your trig straight in your head. Did help when you put the number of the question you weren't sure about in your head, pushed your calculator to the edge of the desk where your friend could see it, he waited a bit, typed the answer into his calculator then strategically positioned the screen. We always used a multiple of 7 to identify the question (so question 21 was 147 on screen) - ditto for the answer. This paid off once when we were almost caught: "Are you asking for an answer to this question?" "I don't think there's a question 147 in the test, sir." "It might be an answer, then. "I don't know sir - you tell me." "Carry on."

I memorised most of an essay about 'A Streetcar Named Desire' from an obscure 1970s text, then spat it out during the exam. When this paid off so well, I started finding old essays then writing out the key paras in the margins of the book we were required to critique. Just looked like notes I'd taken as I was reading. The essay cheat also worked for history, economics and legal studies.

Nobody else in my high school had ever heard of Cliffs Notes or the like. I guess it's cheating if you can get a VHA (an A) for an essay about a Shakespeare play or a novel you've never actually read. By Year 11, I was skipping 28 periods out of 35 and still getting good grades.

Seems strange, but this sort of thing is encouraged at work. It's not called cheating - it's called "emulating best practice". Original thinking is reinventing the wheel, fraught with risk. Much better to adapt something that's already working somewhere else.

Step 1: Give a five-year-old child a box of Space Food Sticks and a packet of spearmint leaf lollies, then strap them into the back of your '71 Holden where they can't see out the windows.

Step 2: Drive four hours to Sydney.

Step 3: Pull over half way there and wonder how you're going to get the green- and brown-flecked vomit out of the upholstery.

Something similar happens at Telstra Tower on Black Mountain in Canberra, Australia. There are warning signs in the car park that the tower can interfere with your engine's immobiliser system - it got our old '92 V6 Commodore sedan every time.

If your car gets stuck, you've got three choices: disable your immobiliser, push your car to the end of the car park, or go see the staff in the tower who have tip sheets on manually disabling the immobiliser in pretty much every car ever made.

Erm - no, it doesn't. From the Peanut Butter & Co website:

Our all-natural peanut butter blended with sweet white chocolate (...) contains no cholesterol, no trans- fats, no hydrogenated oils, and no high-fructose corn syrup. It is also gluten-free, vegan, and certified kosher pareve by the Orthodox Union.

I'm pretty sure a whole cup of peanut butter lowers the total GI/GL of the dish to something reasonable. And seriously, GI is probably the last thing to worry about if you're proposing to eat something that's almost 100% pure fat and sugar. You might as well have a Krispy Kreme and a coffee and be done with it.