Are Oregonians or anyone else (like tax preparers) permitted to read the state-printed tax forms? Can't read = can't pay.

How about driver's licenses? "Yes, officer, I have a card in my wallet that may be my driver's license, but I've been afraid to look at it. I don't think that I'm allowed to let you read it either."

Couldn't hoit... As long as you're killing fellow humans, why not be doped up? You can argue the point of justification (i.e. to prevent the enemy from killing you or yours) and I'll even agree, but it comes down to killing. Better to be doped to sub-human levels (where it's somewhat excusable) rather than fully cognizant of what you're doing (where you're a murderer).

Sadly, not surprising. I viewed their 3rd ed. license as a ploy to expand the popularity of the "D&D" brand, and this is the result.

I haven't played D&D since the 1st edition back in high school (via some friends). I prefer the SF Traveller RPG (which has its own issues). But I do have a fondness for D&D as the first RPG, so this bothers me a bit.

If only Gary had known...

Agent 86:
>PPS:You should have a Donate button on your site next to the free downloads.

Cool, I like that idea. I can be fast-and-loose with the PayPal...

Cory:
> Registrado, it'll go up once the book's out.

Mucho arigato!

Whoops, forgot the free CC download link. What's that URL?

Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring bananaphone...

You're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're suspended (says clueless brick of an Authority Figure).

"Grace!" cries A. Figure.

(This never ends well for Mr. A. Figure. Sorry. By-Bye.)

/Rooney eats it!

Nice! It's like a live-action Space Ghost Coast to Coast.

One...toowho...thuree...<crunch>. Three.

Oh, sorry - I was counting the wrong thing.

That article was more interesting and informative than I expected before reading. Good job!

The amount of "computation" going on there is impressive.

Leiji Matsumoto's Captain Harlock manga/anime character belongs somewhere in all this. He appears in "standard" space operas (such as Space Pirate Captain Harlock and Arcadia of My Youth), in space operas with space-going trains and frontier planets that look like the Old West (the Galaxy Express 999 movie), and in the actual Old West (Gun Frontier).

Simple solution: CCTV monitoring and micro-RFID tags in the vegetables. If you see someone take a veggie without paying, just key the RFID number into one of Japan's many giant robots with orders to kill anyone who's ingested the tags. It's really surprising that the ministry of agriculture is not in charge of the robots.

I bet the US never forgets to pay the Blackwater bill.

<hansolo>
That's 'cause Indians don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose. Mercenaries are known to do that.
</hansolo>

In the spirit of being more open-minded and accepting, Furries can yiff in heck from now on.

It's a first step.

Nicely weird, and it looks enjoyably disorienting to walk up/down (dark passage).

Aah! Kill it! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

(That's a meme, too.)

Wow, AwesomeRobot - great, erm, minds and all that... :)

You use the toilet several times a day. What if something seems odd?

Terrorists may be tampering with food and drink. To be safe, every time you use the toilet (in a liquid or solid way), ask an experienced officer to inspect the result and decide what action to take.

[the hedgehog] was dead when collected as evidence.

If only he'd had at least one ring...

"What would happen," Lerner charged with pointed conviction, "if a lit candle hit another car?"

Great... thanks for giving the terrorists such a potent idea, Mr. Lerner. They'll be dripping wax and leaving smoke smudges on our cars everywhere! Now excuse me while I go report my church's candle-bearers to the FBI.

#20 Peaceflag2007: "hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gaaal...

I have a nice building cornerstone box for you right over here...

#8 Vanwall: Tenser, said the Tensor.....

Dang it... that only leaves:

Moses supposes his toeses are roses
But Moses supposes erroneously

Danny Kaye was an Esper, right? Right?

Theda thought Thora was thumping her thimble
But Thomas thought Thora was thumping her drum

//Out of my head, funnyman!//

When Charley is charming and chooses a cheddar
Then chews it and chips it and chops in some chives

//Ohmigod, nooo!//

"you can be cushioned by the gentle curves of the Great Helmsman"

But it looks nothing like Sulu (or Wilf Brim)....

It does look fun, but it was probably nicknamed "the chiropractor's goldmine."

The Trogdor one is pretty funny. Some of the other paintings are artistically well-done, too.

Dear Comcast,

You'll be pleased to know that starting this month, the monthly Comcast cable bill of $69.95 will be paid by a check compressed to $49.95. If you'd like me to uncompress future payments back to the full amount, then uncompress my channels, you detestable lackwits.

A. Customer

Fuji Retailer must complete the following questions before endorsing Customer's check:

(1.) How many goats have you sacrificed to any god(s) in the past month:
a. 1 to 2
b. 3 to 4
c. 5 or more

(2.) Have you stopped beating your spouse yet?
a. Yes
b. No

(3.) Are you a member of Al-Qaeda or the Republican Party?
a. Yes
b. No

In addition, endorsing Customer's check constitutes a legally binding agreement that Fuji Retailer will use its full value to purchase clown pornography in which at least three different clowns are represented.

Excellent! When the joke content is more enjoyable to watch than the real content would have been, everyone wins. I look forward to an entire "Xeni: Dancin' to the Memes" collection.

#1 posted by jgrassick: I think this proves we already live in a parallel reality.

There's no need for such wild fantasy. President Gore and Prime Minister Hawking have this matter well in hand. Just relax and enjoy the upcoming Israel-NeoPalestine unification anniversary, whydontcha? I plan on flying there myself (since it's so cheap, with oil at $13 a barrel).

I only wish that my wife could go with me to see it, but the Soylent Green lottery is indeed worthwhile, and I know that her sacrifice was needed. It will lead to victory over the Lectroids from Planet 10 - it MUST!

Awesome. When The Onion is in top form (like this), it's great. Thanks!

The subtle touches ("human section of the bus," "10 p.m. curfew for all things made of flesh," etc.) are brilliant!

"Hey, Andrew?"
"What's up, robot?"
"I love you!"

Most of those are pretty good! He'd fit right in on Fark (but is too witty and not mean enough for 4chan).

A variety of viewers with with differently-calibrated monitors under different lighting conditions sounds interesting from a human perception aspect. But for precise color, this problem has been solved with the Pantone Matching System.

Clients/customers saying things like "I want lightish aquamarine" is of little use. However, after a quick spin together through a PMS guide, we're both talking about the same, actual color and not an approximation on a monitor.

So, if your graphic designer mentions something about "PMS," it's a good thing.

I was vilified as a troll when this first hit Boing Boing.

That sounds unfortunate. I'll read your piece with an open mind...

you arrogant fools

Um, OK. Now I see. Thanks for clearing that up.

Good thing her name was Leah instead of Sally, or else she'd have been hit by space junk, smashed by space junk, and killed by space junk.

I just had a flashback to 1993, Mondo 2000, and nootropic bars...

Awesome! I love all the jokes, and the succinct flowchart delivery just makes them funnier. For me, the gateway RPG was Traveller, but the results were much the same.

Secret Shopper: "Let me have one of those porno magazines, a large box of condoms, a bottle of Old Harper, a couple of those panty shields, some illegal fireworks, and one of those disposable enemas. Eh, make it two."

His Wife: "I don't know what you have planned for tonight, Homer, but count me out."

O Hai! Yur bank haz sold me yur morgage, but I losts the paperwerk. Plz send moniez. Kthxbye.

Yeah, "giant, floating teeth" was my first impression, too, Nicheplayer.

Well, Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming?

Dying of Brain Failure seems kind of like watching the tape in The Ring but with Chinese punk:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brain_Failure

And further the Wikipedia deposeth not.

Cheer up, emo kid.

Good thing that going to their main page and taping down the F5 key is OK, or I'd be in trouble. Fortunately that's just visiting the one page over and over.

You've gotta tell them! Xiangru is people! We've gotta stop them somehow!

I thought that orbital decay was just an overused plot device from Star Trek. I mean, who can't determine atmospheric drag limits and then plot an orbit above it? Ahh, Sulu and Chekov, I owe you apologies....

Fortunately this is just a dream.

There's much good in this thread.
Personal agreements go to Nonlis, Ryan,
Jaguarcy, Doctor Device, m3ch4h0m0, and Edgeplot.

I drink your milkshake!

No rules, just myocardial infarctions.

Alcyone, Atlas, Electra, Maia, Merope, Taygeta, and Pleione unavailable for comment.

Time changes the perception of all things. Through several steps, Vlad the Impaler has morphed into Count Chocula. The future "evolution" of Hitler should make for several interesting centuries.

I suddenly have a hankering for Pabst Blue Ribbon.

>links to see the spiral

That's just what I hoped to find in the comments - thanks, Hoffmanbike.

Clever idea and well done - I like it.

#1: I'm just recoiling at the notion of the suction cups -- when they pop off, somebody's getting a lap full of sugary Coke.

My first thought, too. Suction cups are just a practical joke cooked up by engineers.

This is clearly just an early prototype. The full version will have a camera with facial-recognition software and a motor to turn the cutout to point directly at the most-important person in the room (as determined by social website statistics).

http://corydoctorow.com

Will there be a decapitated unicorn chaser for this?

A good selection overall. I would have liked to have seen Flight From Death included. And Junkyard Wars (enjoyable as it is) is more of an educational game show than a documentary.

I like how they define (explain) all of the technical (smartypants) words for their readers (presumed morons).

But I like Lectroid's Logan's Run reference even more.

If Loop Quantum Gravitation is correct, everything is made of knots.

> London is not a battlefield, he said.

Correct. As everyone knows, Love is a battlefield.

> Need more data.

When I let NoScript attempt to let it run, Firefox displays an "Additional plugins are required to display all the media on this page" notice. Not a big deal, but I just don't install plug-ins for random videos any more now that standard outlets like YouTube are available.

Back in the 1990s plug-ins were needed, and I'll still mess with them if there's a reason (like 3D images from a source that I trust that has lots of content worth watching). But one gaming vid that may or may nor be funny? No.

Sauron approves.

And the theme seems to be "the Lord is our protector, but better use lots of metal on the windows just to be sure."

This explains it... Deely Boppers aren't just a silly toy; they're a plot by Big Electricity to steal our bodies' built-in power! And - could it be - those suspiciously white iPod earbuds might be used for the same nefarious purpose!

To someone who grew up watching Mr. Freeze on the old Batman TV series (like me), this makes perfect sense.

whiskeydave: Would have loved to have heard the commentary by the camera person.

There were a few words (language unknown to me) but mostly laughing at the oddly-cropped nude and semi-nude stills on the video billboard. Fear not, I'm sure it (or another version) will reappear somewhere - can't stop the signal/pr0n.

Blackbird: Have you seen Robin Williams "Live on Broadway"??
His suggestion I believe (its been years) was to paint nipples on the front of blimps.

Haven't seen it but that sounds about right. A little nudity could give the edge. ;) FAP ATTACK!

Mistake? Or a sample of a US secret "weapon"? Boobs > bombs.

WE WILL FIGHT
AND WE WILL WIN!

[Would You Like To Know More?]

Our 8-track "Encomium" proved to be a Kenny Rogers album.

Quick, call the RIAA! <g>

I'll be interested to see who buys more of these: Star Wars fans wanting their own vaporators, or Dune fans wanting their own dew collectors.

Talk about a lawsuit waiting to happen! This is way beyond cell-phone distraction while driving.

Svenski: Are there any other FSM devotees that can come up with something a bit more original?

Perhaps a Festivus pole with a giant meatball stuck on the top? Serving a turkey stuffed with a duck that's stuffed with spaghetti: a Spagducken?

CarnyTrash: Better this than a "2 Girls, 1 Cup" ornament.

Yes. The prestigious "2 Girls, 1 Cup" label should be reserved for a line of soft-serve ice cream machines.

let's all make increasingly longer posts describing how this thing works

Or just translate into Korean and back (accomplishes pretty much the same thing):

To be like this it was simple... Rubbing inside showing the size which is suitable there is a box inside the external box. You to insert and comfort too much plentifully at the time of the wheat l hundred million Ji in order in order to fix the description below which it forms, the seam of each box is identical and side it is being possible, you whom it offsets but with hand weaving this "are as cold as ice in the different reason about your swip to be joyful one friend," being a thingy when trying the thing which will be visible distributor or your silver which flows out when nik it will ask it sends, -- it spreads out to where U li to three the ball theyn the place. With multi the fact that it is in the most big cig box together, the top cover the hinge is month n in the external knife house, it is possible but to it and -- this sprout all there is a flap from the internal knife house which it fixes is the fact that it raises it it is similar in Ji comfort book. The flap in the hinge operates in smalll radius, is like that and will get the roll motion of the highest flap which it spreads out.

compressed air into the skulls until the brains come spilling out.

Same thing happens to me if I accidentally tune in to American Idol or Deal or No Deal.

Herbie, the Fat Fury

Misread that as "Herbie, the Fat Furry." I guess that'd be a completely different sort of comic...

Fresh Whole Rabbit
(Don't neglect to view the "Customers Who Bought Items Like This Also Bought" selections.)

That set of items looks familiar. I bet they cooked their rabbits with some uranium purchased from Amazon.

Regards to Captain Dunsel.

Let me "Kirk" this flowchart:

All internet statements in Boing Boing comments are lies.

ZOMG TEH REI?

joe holmes: I wish "cake" were never used within 20 pages of "urinal"...

The urinal is a lie

The end of the first paragraph reveals that Dick Cheney is quite a fan of old-timey baseball.

"How many beers are in a six-pack, eh?"

No need to get worked up. If someone wants to spend maybe $15 or $20 on a toy...
[looks at website]
$110! Are you kidding me?!

Never mind. Carry on, erm, Slutty McWhore.

Does it come with Jimmy Wales' Own Special Sauce?

I'd be a little hesitant to drink these unspecified cocktails. The first looks too close to "2 Girls,1 Cup" and the fourth looks like what the "God-Cleaner" foot bath produces.

I first read that as "Schroedinger Hand Drill": maybe it drills a hole, maybe it doesn't.

I guess confessionals will soon have a pic of Admiral Ackbar saying "It's a trap!"

Don't tase my car, bro!

Advaita Vedanta's concept of Maya gives Phil Dick a run for his money when it comes to screwing with the reader's sense of reality.

"They'd be a waste to use in each pot"

Indeed. But get the price down to where it's about about a magnitude lower (replacing a plant multiplied by the "forgetfulness factor") - (say, maybe $3 total ) and you'd have a sure winner. Nobody likes killing plants, but nobody (that I know of) spends too much on them, either.