Cngrtltns, bt ths nms... trly, trly mbrrssng.

Congratulations, but... pls tll m y r jkng bt ths nms. 'v nvr ndrstnd th qst t nflct vr mr tlndsh nd, ltmtly, mbrrssng nms n chldrn. Wll, t lst sh wll hv t b wll dctd, f nly t b bl t wrt hr wn nm. Bt gn, congratulations.

You could actually order a full portion and a half portion, and the 'eat it and get it for free' rule applied to both. A group of us went there around 10 years ago, and two of us, myself included, orderded the full portion (of course!) and as far as I remember it came as a bowl of 3 large meatballs drenched in a thin, black, evil-looking sauce. I'm assuming the entire thing was filled with liquidised super-hot chilis.

That is the only time I've ever eaten a meal and had a crowd of people from other tables cheering us on and making bets about who, of the two of us, would eat the most. But after a couple of bites we were in the toilets, trying to spit out the lining of our mouths into the sinks. The heat of the chilis causes you to immediately hyper-ventilate, and although I did go back to the table a couple of times (stupidly) for more bites, it just made it worse.

I think the biggest mistake I made was to swallow a large amount of the meat at once, thinking that once it passed my throat at least the pain would be over. Nope. Your whole body starts to heat up, you sweat all over and can't breathe, literally. I eventually ran out of the restaurant, throwing my money on the table with my other friends, who remained to eat their normal-strength curries, and sat on the step outside the restaurant repeatedly spitting, trying to rid myself of what was inside my mouth.

The taxi back to Whitley Bay was long and terrible. In my semi-drunken state I was convinced I was going to die, and we had to ask the driver to pull over so that I could lean against some railings and take long breaths of cold air. I really do know what they mean when told you that some people genuinely ended up in hospital after eating it.

Next morning the 'ring of fire' effect was something you can only imagine. After 'going' I literally, genuinely, could not sit down for most of the day, much to the amusement of my friends. I'm saddened that 'The Lord of Harpole' has died (apparently it was a genuine title, albeit bought not inherited) because he was a lovely man who made his own little part of Newcastle famous. And my arse will never be the same!