Happy Mutant Profile

Dan

Website: http://thewisdomofadistractedmind.blogspot.com/

Bio: I like cheese... And beer... And people who like cheese and beer.

Officer tries in vain to catch people fleeing from van

May 12, 2008 2:54pm

I have a feeling the police will use this video to stress the importance of waiting for backup.

I almost feel sorry for that poor cop, but you've go to admit, that's a damn funny video.

Patriot Act gag-order on the Internet Archive clobbered by EFF and ACLU

May 7, 2008 3:43pm

Why does the internet hate America?

Nelson Mandela and the ANC are on the US terrorist watchlist and need waivers to enter the country

May 6, 2008 8:45am

I think other countries should start their own terror watch lists, and they can put G-Dub on there.

Then again, if he can't travel, he can LEAVE, and we'd be stuck with the potatohead.

Grand Theft Are You Fcking Kidding Me

April 30, 2008 3:58pm

"It is no question that GTA is merely reflective of the bigger misogyny embedded in capitalist patriarchy...

Why am I reminded of the peasant in Monty Python and The Holy Grail?

"Come see the violence inherent in the system!"

UK man hassled by cop for not having a "camera license"

April 17, 2008 1:49pm

I would totally sue them for no other reason than to make an example out of these idiots so that some sort of freakin' policy may actually be established to which these dim-wits can adhere.

Clearly, common sense is too much to expect in many of these situations. I mean, really. Is England training their cops with crayons and coloring books?

MagicJack's EULA says it will spy on you and force you into arbitration

April 14, 2008 8:59am

It really should be called Magic Hijack.

Creationist documentary premiere bars science blogger, accidentally lets in Richard Dawkins

March 21, 2008 9:52am

Ben Stein should know that blaming Darwin for the Nazi's is like blaming the Wright Brothers for 9-11.

Gyaagh! This anti-science crowd must be ridiculously blissful in their stupidity. I'm almost envious.

Herbal Viagra contains dangerous chemicals

March 6, 2008 11:21am

So, they could conceivably lead to either a good or bad stoke? Keep in mind that there's a vas deferens between the two types.

Giant Gort robot model for auction

February 23, 2008 7:23pm

Klaatu barada nickto, baby!

Fine news

February 3, 2008 10:41am

Yes.. yes... Now that all the good tidings are out of the way, I need to ask:

Is your daughter driving yet, Cory?

I need a ride to a Super Bowl party.

Fine news

February 3, 2008 8:13am

Welcome to the world, Little One. Do try to keep an eye on the old man.

You Suck at Photoshop #5

February 1, 2008 12:05pm

Is it wrong of me to fear more for Donny's sanity than Britney's?

Man unveils 30-year-old "instant water boiler" invention

January 30, 2008 7:47pm

Is it just me, or does this whole thing just smack of Tesla?

Southern racists adopt "Canadian" as a euphemism for "black"

January 27, 2008 6:17am

I think that this demonstrates not only the sheer crippling stupidity of these gomers, but it's also a great display of the typical cowardice of these racist morons?

It's actually somewhat funny in that they just don't seem to have the conviction to stand by their twisted beliefs, and subsequently have to contrive these silly, misguided euphemisms.

Raquel Welch: Space-Girl Dance

January 17, 2008 11:59am

I find that if someone asks about the location of crazy sculptures, I can answer by saying either Berlin, Prague or Cardiff.

Funky video though. What was the music?

And, well... As for Raquel, that woman was hot before hot was cool.

Wedding cake clone of bride

January 14, 2008 3:39pm

Eat the face! Eat the face! Be the face-eating zombie groom!

Adobe Creative Suite fails "catastrophically" thanks to DRM

January 3, 2008 2:43pm

Man... I've gotten "fatal" errors and "terminal" errors before, but never have I gotten a catastrophic failure that didn't involve the words "I do."

Blackwater wishes you a very mercenary Christmas

December 28, 2007 11:07am

Man... The hypocrisy of that card is sickening. I wonder if they enclosed gift certificates to Balco labs in the cards?

TSA's new forbidden item: >2 gm lithium batteries

December 28, 2007 10:04am

Oy... This nonsense is just getting too damn silly to keep up with.

Idaho police grads' slogan: "Go out and cause post-traumatic stress disorder"

December 26, 2007 11:28am

I suppose it beats their original ideas:

"We will taze you, bro!"

And...

"So many Bro's, so little voltage."

No?

George W. Bush sings REM

December 21, 2007 7:34pm

Ouch...

Cross in Huckabee's new TV ad?

December 19, 2007 9:44am

Nothing sickens or tires me more than these pseudo-Christian zealots and their relentless pursuit to throw away the Constitution and transform America into some sort of perverted theocracy.

In light of that, I think this is obviously set-up to send a message to the gesticulating hordes of Evangelical loonies out there. I think Bush did much the same with his dropping of little keywords here and there. They're a lot like teenage boys watching scrambled soft-core porn on late-night Cinemax, and they get quite excited and relieved when a little blur is deciphered.

Ah well... Perhaps someday presidential candidates won't be required to undergo a religious test so as to become leader. Maybe we should have that sort of thing written into our Constitution.

First-person account of CIA torture survivor

December 14, 2007 11:33pm

How many more of these accounts do we need to hear before Americans shake the crippling fear from their shoulders and take this country back?

How can anyone see these goings on as a positive thing for either America's image or America's security? How many more victims of this inhumanity do we have to hear of before we realize that we are the enemy?

I wish it would end, Cory. And, I wish I didn't have to live in a nation so evil, so gutless and so foolish. This is not my America, and I sure as hell can't imagine anyone with even an ounce of humanity who could say honestly that they are proud of this nation.

We should be ashamed.

HOWTO defeat the shoe-scanner at Heathrow

December 14, 2007 6:11am

Why do our shoes hate America so much? Is it all the gum on our sidewalks?

More fun with Amazon reviews: this time, Bic pens

December 12, 2007 2:13pm

That's brilliant! Perhaps Amazon will be smart and keep these reviews up and maybe put the best of them into a book one of these days. That could be a fun read.

CIA coverup, take action

December 10, 2007 10:15am

I have very little faith that Mukasey will be of any use in this. The man is a gutless, partisan toad who can't answer a simple yes or no question.

"Is waterboarding torture?"
"The US doesn't torture."

lather, rinse, repeat...

Beijing restaurant serves "Wikipedia"

December 3, 2007 8:13pm

That's an especially baffling case of Engrish run amok.

Top ten most viewed pages on Wikipedia and Conservapedia

November 21, 2007 11:38am

I'd say I was surprised at the obsessions of Conservapedia readers, but, really, how can anyone be surprised? They probably treat the thing as a gay sex manual for their curiosity.

So, in light of that, it's clear at least someone is learning something from that collection of mindless gibberish at Conservapedia.

Fox News Porn - the prurience of prigs

November 17, 2007 10:49am

#6 posted by tsol , November 17, 2007 9:08 AM

This is cute. Meanwhile, CNN actively distorted the Democratic debates in order to favor Hillary Clinton.

I can't wait to read about it here

I just have to ask: What does your outburst have to do with Fox "News" broadcasting soft-core porn? Or, are you just thinking that by attacking CNN, you're going to somehow make Fox look better in spite of their obvious hypocrisy? Are you expecting us to overlook Fox for its blatant hypocrisy while condemning CNN for something which is absolutely irrelevant to this discussion?

I love the Fox defenders' response to this story. It's like a bus-load of zombies tipped over on the expressway, and they're now just sort of wandering around aimlessly looking for something to jump on in pursuit of some tasty brains. Unfortunately, all their potential targets are in fast-moving cars, and the poor uninformed zombies have been reduced to just bouncing off the windshield as reality passes them by quickly.

Poor zombies...

Fox News Porn - the prurience of prigs

November 17, 2007 8:29am

Remember when Fox "News" broadcast that embattled congress-critter Foley was a Democrat?

I find it spectacularly funny to think that someone out there can actually believe that Fox "News" is somehow above being questioned when it's been proven, time and time again, that the network would openly broadcast blatant partisan lies rather than report the verifiable truth. Indeed, the most basic principles of journalism and information gathering are comically anathema to the folks at Fox.

Fox has built an empire as a result of appealing to the most base human emotions: Desire and hate. Fox has proven time and time again that they are not above lying so as to bolster their partisan agenda, so why should anyone be surprised that they broadcast soft-core porn in between their senseless partisan hit-jobs to keep their addlepated viewers watching?

I do pity the Fox viewers for the simple reason that it's only a matter of time before they find themselves grappling with a reality for which they are woefully unprepared as a result of being sold this shiny, golden turd of misinformation for so long.

John Hodgman's Mole Men / Cavalcade of Hobos

November 16, 2007 2:04pm

I can see Hodgman keeping a straight face, but how in the world did Xeni manage to keep from cracking up and weeping with laughter?

Protesting prostitutes sew mouths shut

October 26, 2007 2:42pm

Actually, Lily Cortez probably sounded a lot like:

"Mee mur myting mur duh might tuh mrrk.."

Needless to say, I don't really see this turning out well.

CNN's Glenn Beck: "people who hate America" losing homes in So CA wildfires

October 23, 2007 10:04am

Actually, it's up to 500,000 people evacuated.

As for Glenn Beck, he's just a washed-up former addict whose opinions, like himself, are utterly worthless.

Southern CA wildfires: good Lord they are huge.

October 22, 2007 7:33pm

Good luck all you folks out there on the Left Coast. Do be careful. Fire is not something to take lightly.

Weird interruption of Ray Bradbury play

October 22, 2007 4:49pm

I think Bradbury himself could quite easily fill the teacher requirement.

Blade Runner

October 12, 2007 10:03am

Xeni is a skinjob?

Hmm... If you pause this video a scant three seconds in and look into her eyes, it's a dead giveaway.

Archibishop of Mozambique: condoms and HIV cocktails will give you AIDS

October 1, 2007 7:29am

What does this Catholic Bishop care about colonization? He's sold his people to a Western religion, so if anything, he's part of the problem, and he's definitely the last person qualified to prattle on about protecting the indigenous cultures of Africa from colonization.

As for his paranoid ramblings about the HIV crisis in Africa, it's typical religious lunacy. To these fools, there's a threat around every corner, and even when one doesn't exist, they simply make up some hobgoblin to keep their foolish beliefs relevant so as to maintain control of the population.

Personally, I think the world would be a happier place if ALL religions just shut up for a few centuries.

New AT&T terms of service: We'll cut off your Internet connection for criticizing us

September 29, 2007 11:19am

I just want to go on record as wholeheartedly endorsing the actions of AT&T. Without them and their tireless efforts to protect innocent Americans, our nation would crumble beneath the never-ending onslaught of terrah and terrahism.

Thank you AT&T. Please do not cut off my service.

Aside from that, why are you here, JOEH? This isn't the freakin' dentist, ya know.

Texas legislator explains her fraudulent voting on lack of "bathroom breaks"

September 28, 2007 10:44am

I like that it's against the rules and they still do it. That says a lot about, not only Texas politics, but the American legislative process as a whole.

Kind of embarrassing, don't you think?

HIV activist silenced for fear of surveillance

September 25, 2007 9:44am

That's just way too creepy, and I suppose I'd start demanding answers if I was her. It's disappointing that she would back down to this sort of intimidation. Plug her into a few episodes of Burn Notice and teach this woman some crazy skills.

TSA: "Sir, this is an improvised electronic device."

September 17, 2007 12:16pm

I can't tell you how much safer I feel knowing that this madman is not allowed to fly with his improvised multimeter. Imagine the damage he could have done had he been allowed on that flight. That multimeter could have been turned into a... umm... NON-functioning multimeter.

This TSA nonsense is just getting silly.

Pluto flips out at Disneyland (video)

September 14, 2007 11:24am

Time to put Ol' Yeller down, methinks.

Burning Man '07 seen from above (hi-res jpeg)

September 14, 2007 10:34am

Wow. What do you know? It really is order in a hell of a lot of chaos. That's pretty slick.

Hidden bear in Toblerone logo

September 13, 2007 8:33pm

After looking at it a little more, I think the bear is on fire. What kind of wicked chocolate makers are these?!? I mean, I like Toblerone, but I'm not going to eat chocolate from a company that endorses the immolation of bears in Switzerland.

Why couldn't they have put a picture of the Ricola guys in flames? Or those obnoxiously hip and trendy Mentos people? Either one of those would be fine by me.

Hidden bear in Toblerone logo

September 13, 2007 5:06pm

It took me a minute, but at first I thought it was a stag of some sort. I wonder why they did that though.

Deceptive flower sign

September 13, 2007 11:36am

It's hard to be mad. Plus, even with the sneaky stuff, they're still selling roses at $10 a dozen, and that's a pretty decent deal.

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