mastercontroller

Recent Actions

• Commented on Bicycle defense kit fits in Altoids tin
  Around here we call ideas like this "a good way to get shot."...
• Commented on US military data-mines America's kids for war recruiting
  I thought _EVERYONE_ knew that, under the PATRIOT act, high schools are required to send in information -- home addresses, phone numbers, GPAs, projected graduation dates, &e. -- to the recruiting commands for all services. This explains why my brother...
• Commented on Man finds "missile launcher" in his back-40
  Dude. That's right down the road from me. Some people have all the luck....
• Commented on Tumors Can Grow Faster Than You Think
  BUT! BUT!! Alex Jones said the HPV vaccine was concocted by the New World Order and those "British" banking elite to kill 80% of the world's population so they could.... I don't know! Profit, or something! Why would he lie...
• Commented on Cydwoq: handmade shoes designed by an LA architect
  Without exaggeration, these are the ugliest $300 shoes I've ever seen. If I ever gave any of these to the woman in my life, I expect she'd beat me with them....
• Commented on G20 police uses arrested student as trophy in group photo
  There is an illness in this country. It seems as though in the past eight years there have been so many exposures in mass media of corruptions of humanity, moral obscenities, insults to the democratic ideal, that something like this...
• Commented on More on the LRAD sound cannon at Pittsburgh G20 protests
  I say if the cops are going to bear up like they're getting ready for a hell of a fight, they should get it eventually. Not only will that give people a chance to see their tax dollars at work,...
• Commented on Daily photos of a healthy cervix for one month
  EVERYONE loves Jello... but no one wants to see pictures from the rendering plant as they boil down hooves and hides....
• Commented on Conservative California legislator gives pornographic account of his multiple affairs (including a lobbyist) into open mic
  ^^ He ran himself out of office. Much like gravity acting upon his seed, his own actions foretold of his ignominious end. He was a man damned by his own bad manners -- even cowboys know not to shoot where...
• Commented on Conservative California legislator gives pornographic account of his multiple affairs (including a lobbyist) into open mic
  Again, I say: For most people it's only a dream... for others, it's just another weekend. Or, uh, wednesday for the campeadores....
• Commented on Dead Plants: kick-ass shoutin' hillbilly blues busker music from the streets of London
  someone come up with something funny for the better typo: "while the other guy beat of hillbilly" I'd do it myself, but it's early and still too sober....
• Commented on WWII Stalingrad diorama photos
  And every girlfriend I've ever had used to laugh at me when I told them the truth about why I said I preferred to stay in a couple nights a week and "work on things around the house" or something;...
• Commented on Mark on The Martha Stewart Show, May 18, 2009
  someone looks prettier than Martha.......
• Commented on UPSO's recording of a broken radio station
  That's just what it sounds like in my head all the time....
• Commented on Our new offices
  Needs more China Syndrome....
• Commented on Office chair explodes, kills boy
  This is why I do all my computing from the safety of a toilet seat. Nothing but perfectly safe water under my tender bits. Why else have a laptop if not to use it on the crapper?...
• Commented on Vicodin earrings
  Doesn't she know there are children in America just starving for a decent vicodin? What a waste!...
• Commented on Man finds lizard taped to his car door
  There was a roach in a car I rented a while back. Don't know what happened to it. @TAKUAN: Alcohol or acetone, something in the methyl ethyl ketones. Should free the mouse before it dies of liver rot....
• Commented on Man finds lizard taped to his car door
  "One time, I found a plastic bag from Target on my doorstep with one uncooked blue crab in it. It may have been alive at some point, but it wasn't when I found it." One of the many failed second...
• Commented on Man finds lizard taped to his car door
  I'm glad it wasn't whacked or drained. That it was stuck to a knob against its will is not so gladdening. I do not object to freeing the lizard; in the right circumstances, of course....
• Commented on CES: On to JFK
  ^^ THANKS! Now I can go back to locking and unlocking and locking and unlocking and locking and unlocking and locking and unlocking and locking everything in the house....
• Commented on CES: On to JFK
  ^^ Thanks for triggering my latent OCD... now I HAVE to find it....
• Commented on CES: On to JFK
  what is this? in code or something?...
• Commented on NSA enjoys eavesdropping on US soldiers' phone sex calls
  @24, it's every communication that comes out of the mideast. The reason civilian calls were mentioned is because all telephone calls and internet traffic coming out of US facilities in the middle east are bounced off a satellite. Hence, EVERYTHING...
• Commented on NSA enjoys eavesdropping on US soldiers' phone sex calls
  Ha. I knew about this like five years ago. Gave up telling the story after realizing no one gave a crap....
• Commented on Jet-powered bicycle
  "Old Mrs. Jenkins may have survived The Blitz, but the throbbing whirr of a pulse-jet powered bicycle was enough to propel her into the great white infinite."...
• Commented on Pranksters (?) hood a Google Street View cam with a plastic bag
  It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen....
• Commented on Nelson Mandela and the ANC are on the US terrorist watchlist and need waivers to enter the country
  Yeah... so.... All I gotta do is end apartheid and I might get taken off the list in like twenty years? I'll get on that....
• Commented on Army's New PTSD Treatments: Yoga, Reiki, 'Bioenergy'
  Psssst... guys... they've had guided meditation, as well as Pilates, in Navy boot camp for recruits on long term medical holds for years. I was there, Man. I was there....
• Commented on Massive awesome cardboard outdoor playhouse
  I think the bigger issue is.... WHY THE HELL IS THAT KID RUNNING AROUND NAKED ON THE INTERNET!?...